Popular music’s greatest hits, 2000-2025

Posted: September 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

Travel back in time to the musical wasteland of the early 21st century!

Download the latest in our series of compilation albums revisiting the history of popular music. Take a twisted tour through the byzantine maze of the millennial male’s sexual hang-ups!

The original names of these great songs were lost forever in the Great Internet Collapse of ’34. But, painstakingly collected from nameless music files, they have been renamed after careful study by music experts and cultural historians.

[Note: Experts say that many of these songs might still exist in some form as folk tunes in isolated rural communities. If so, it is possible that their original names are preserved in the memories of the elderly. The Historical Records Co-operative would appreciate any suggestions as to what the original names of these songs might have been.]

1. Rich white boy ponders failed relationship

2. Rich white boy ponders failing relationship

3. Rich white boy with banjo ponders failed relationship

4. Please increase the volume of the music, because it is currently the wrong volume

5. Dancing on a dance floor is enjoyable

6. Woman approves of abusive partner

7. Woman professes to enjoy violence during sex

8. Domestic violence (Happens because I love you too much)

9. Hearty celebration of my wealth and power in contrast to my humble origins

10. Hearty celebration of my wealth and power in contrast to the humble circumstances of others

11. Hearty celebration of hedonistic lifestyle #1

12. Hearty celebration of hedonistic lifestyle #2

13. Hearty celebration of hedonistic lifestyle #3 (In which the singer names the seven days of the week according to the pre-revolutionary calendar)

14. Hearty celebration of hedonistic lifestyle #4 (In which the singer mentions the mysterious custom of using drinks with high alcohol content for purposes of oral hygiene)

15. Rape apologist anthem

(Note: This final track is a compilation of what seem to be quotes from creepy, horny, drunk men, sung in falsetto and set to minimalistic music. While debate still continues, most experts agree that it was probably compiled for documentary purposes, and due to its offensive content and lack of musical merit, could never have been regarded as a real song.)

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